One Year - November 28, 2011

One Year

The storms of life are not discriminating. We all experience them no matter our age or status. Any one of us at any time can find ourselves surprised by joy one minute and overwhelmed by grief the next. We don’t get that job we counted on. The man we love suddenly decides he doesn’t love us back. The test results come back positive. Our children make bad choices and take paths we never would have chosen for them. Someone we love dies.

A cloud started brewing over the Morris family and friends in February 2010. We became fearful as we stepped into the unknown of what lied ahead. Lindsey who was so full of hope and love, received the most devastating news of her life. Her dream to be a teacher and wife and mother was shattered. Her fear that the brain tumor may someday return became real. The “return of the tumor” consumed us all and on November 28, 2010 it took our sweet Lindz away from us.

Jesus promised that although we would face tribulation, to take heart (John 16:33). For He has overcome.

And that was only one of his promises to us. When life throws us curves, when people disappoint us, when circumstances make us question our faith, we have His promises of hope to hold on to in the tough times. Our knuckles are white from holding on… our hands are callused. During the times when I force myself to be still I can hear God saying.. I am with you.. I know life is hard.. I am here to help you.

One year. Yet we still have days when we expect to hear her voice.
One year. We wake up at night and feel her presence… we smell her perfume… we feel her breath.
One year. Some days it feels like forever. Other times just like yesterday.
One year. You forever wake up and pray that it was all just a bad dream.
One year. There are times of numbness then times when a whole day goes by and you realize you didn’t think of Lindsey… then you feel guilty. Not only guilt for not thinking of her that day… but guilt for things that you wish you would of done differently, had we known. Maybe I was too hard on her. Did I expect to much? Did we do enough? Should we have tried harder to find a solution?

She is gone. Our hearts remain fragile. We do our best to adjust as Lindsey asked that we do.

As I was cleaning Lindsey’s room, you can only imagine all the notes, pictures, etc that I found. I think Lindsey would be fine with me sharing one of these notes with you.

A Note from Lindz….unedited, typed as she wrote it.

Spiritual Goals 4 My Life
1. Pray More – everyday
2. Read Bible daily
3. Become more spiritual
4. Have a spiritual relationship
5. Become a greater prayer
6. Be stronger, have people look at me and know that I’m a good Christian
7. Live my life more like Jesus’
8. Become financially fit – OK
9. Tithe 10%
10. Memorize verses according to what I need for that week. I want to fall back in love with you.

As the family sat around the table Thanksgiving day, and the day of Lindsey’s birthday, we shared with each other the many things we have to be thankful for. Bob shared that Lindsey’s constant reminder that Jesus calls us to love has been the pillar for him this year.

The past two years have been difficult for many. In our grief, we also remember the family of Mark and Brenda Hill whose son, Michael also lost the battle to cancer. Michael was a very close friend of Todd’s. My cousin Dale and Lori Hudson, lost their daughter suddenly. John and Karen Benckesser’s son also passed away. And then, a friend of my nephew, Brett Jackson, Clint Sparks died in car accident,July 2010.

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles.” Isaiah 40:

The family continues to renew their strength and carry on the special gifts of Lindsey.

2011 Head for the Cure 5k

Please consider joining our team to help find a cure for cancer. Our team name this year is "Lace-Up, in memory of Lindz".

I've attempted to create this post many times. It's difficult. Lindsey lost the battle and the absence of her presence has been hard. The race is Sunday, August 28, 2011. The link to the website follows... http://public.eventunited.com/HFTC/hftckc/EventDetails.aspx
If you're not up to walking the 5k, please feel free to make a donation or register and just come out visit. We'd love to see you.

Lindsey's Light

Today I received the following email from a friend of Lindsey's. I asked her if she would allow me to post on Lindsey's blog. She approved. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did. I was deeply touched.
************************************************************************************

Sandy,

At Central Methodist, we have a magazine of the arts entitled Inscape. I found out last night I received the Thomas F. Dillingham Award for Non-fiction Prose. The reason I'm telling you this is because it's about Lindsey, and I wanted you to read it. Don't get me wrong, I feel honored for winning, but I didn't write to win for me. It's for her. So here it is.

Lindsey’s Light

Focus on that cross up there. “…and she was a beautiful young woman…” You’re stronger than this. “…her smile lit up a room…” Do. Not. Cry. Do. Not. Cry. “…she loved it when she used to visit camp…”

I lost it.

My attempt to maintain the typical stoic face I have when tragedy strikes failed miserably. Chaos filled my body, but I remained stable for my grief-stricken friends who surrounded me. Instead, I stared down at my shiny, black dress shoes.

Saturdays aren’t meant for wearing church clothes.

Drops of salty water burned as they streamed down my face and formed a puddle on my shaking hands. The pounding sound clogging my ears was not from my knees bouncing on the pews. But rather it was my throbbing heart, beating faster than a wolf’s when inches from its prey. The preacher’s words haunted my thoughts as they echoed throughout my brain… “She WAS…her smile LIT…she USED to visit…” Why did he keep using the past tense?

Lindsey Marie Morris. She was 25 years old. Stubborn and clever, Morris never looked like she’d lose a battle. Optimism sprouted from her inner core, and her face always had a smile. She didn’t frown often—only when the “damn Chiefs” would lose or a restaurant didn’t offer ice cream, her favorite food group.

She didn’t frown when the doctors told her she had a brain tumor at 13. Instead, she put her faith in God and encouraged others to do the same.

She didn’t frown when, after ten years of remission, doctors again told her she had a brain tumor.

She didn’t frown at her wedding, which was moved up several months because of her health, even though she knew her marriage to Greg, the love of her life, would be much shorter than she wanted or anticipated.

She didn’t frown when she organized and packed all of the supplies for her future classroom and later donated everything to a new teacher.

When she was still able to write in her own blog, she didn’t frown when she wrote, “Greg and I were supposed to have four kids, buy a house close to my parents, and grow old together.” Instead, she thanked God for answering so many of her prayers.

She didn’t frown when she came to camp for one evening last summer, knowing it would be her last visit.

She didn’t frown when she could no longer speak, especially to her family and close friends.

She didn’t frown when I fumbled with my words and barely hugged her on that stifling morning in late August, the last time I saw her living.

My eyes shift from the computer screen to a glowing picture on my left. The frown covering my face changes into a smile. She IS a beautiful woman. Her smile LIGHTS up my dorm room. She WILL BE VISITING camp this summer because she will be in my thoughts and heart.

A picture of Lindsey resides on my desk and allows me to never wonder if I imagined that grin.

My life is brighter because of the light of her smile.


It was nice to see the blog updated yesterday. I'd been checking everyday since last winter, so it became a habit. The past couple months I kept checking and hoping there would be a new post. I can't believe it's coincidence that I get the award the same day you update. Something little, but still makes me happy.

God Bless,

Brittanee

Four Month Update

It's been almost four months since the passing of our dear Lindsey. Even when you think you're prepared, we learn that you are not. We find ourselves now reliving the experiences of 2010, i.e, this was the day of the first accident, the day of the dismal news, etc. The family is learning first hand why the research says it will take at least a year to move through the grief. We try to focus on those days when Lindsey reconciled herself with the reality of the tumor and began instructing us on how to behave, what she wanted to happen once she was gone, and how she wanted to be remembered.

Our dear Lindsey. She made us all better. We grief, we hurt, and at the same time we are learning how to move forward through this time of grieving.

I have joined a support group at the Solace House. Even there I feel blessed. We had time with Lindsey so that she could tell us what she wanted, even down to planning her own memorial service. The other parents in my support group were not so fortunate. They lost their child suddenly. There was no time for either one to depart last words of endearment or to share last wishes.

We were blessed with time with Lindsey... to grant her items on her bucket list, to make sure she left this world knowing how much she was loved.

Lindsey had some requests of Greg after her passing, which he honored. I wanted to share a few. Lindsey asked that her engagement ring be given to Hannah along with a request that the diamonds from the engagement ring be placed in Hannah's future engagement or wedding ring, when and if that were to occur. Lindsey also wanted her wedding band to be buried with her. I will forever remember that day at the funeral home when Greg slipped the ring on her finger, for the 2nd time. Lindsey also asked to be buried in her wedding dress. I remember the day we shopped for dresses and Lindsey and I were discussing her wedding budget. Her response about the price of the dress... "Mom, I'm actually saving you money because you won't have to purchase something else for me to be laid to rest in. How many people actually wear their wedding dress twice?" Lindsey's "matter-of-fact" attitude about her situation caught many people by surprise... often times leaving them speechless. Lindsey also asked that no matter how sad we are, that we be happy on people's birthday's. It's their special day and it needs to be celebrated. If you knew Lindsey very well, you understand why this was so important to her. She loved birthdays, buying special gifts, getting just the right card, and she went out of her way with decorations. The picture is from Hannah's birthday. As you can see, Bob even forced a smile, just for Lindsey, on Hannah's special day. Lindsey would especially like the new personalized yoga mat Hannah received for her birthday - check out the picture... along with a personalized statement about Lindsey - "Make a Difference". (The photo is from Lindsey's wedding.)

While I've joined a support group, I'm also thinking about starting one up here locally. I'm giving it some thought...stay tuned for more information. I can tell you this....I won't be your normal support group.

How is the rest of the family doing? Bob is working like a mad-man... and he's sad and angry...he's reevaluating priorities. Todd and Hannah are adjusting. It's hardest when they come home. It's just not the same with Lindsey not here. It never will be... and probably never should be. We've honored Lindsey's request to have many pictures of her throughout the house.... and at times that makes it even harder. We miss that smile, her laugh, her touch. School serves as a diversion for Todd and Hannah... and Lindsey told them... don't stop, don't give up. Todd received great news in early March as he was accepted into MU's Sinclair School of Nursing. His program will start in the fall. This semester, Micro-biology has become his new best friend. We're so proud of him. His plan is obtain his undergraduate degree and then move on to specialize or get his Masters.

Between the fellow's program at TCU, soriety demands, and work, Hannah is staying very busy at school. The TCU Fellow's spent Spring break in New York getting some exposure to Investment Banking, The Stock Exchange, Bloomberg, etc. Between structured day activities and not so structured night-life, she came home exhausted and I believe ready to return to school.

It's been awhile since I posted anything. Thanks for checking in.

Weekend of Healing and Relaxation

The Morris,Jackson, and Jenkin girls had a wonderful weekend at The Lodge of the Four Seasons. The Siki Spa is fabulous! Everyone enjoyed their spa treatment and the relaxed atmosphere of the spa. We shared stories about Lindsey, read from the book On "Understanding Your Grief" and mod-podged a bookshelf with some of the cards Lindsey received during her illness. A photo of the work in process is posted in this update.

People ask how we're doing... we're sad... our hearts ache... we don't laugh as much as we use to, but we're adapting pretty well, or as well as can be expected. Bob is struggling the most... he and Lindsey were so very close. Today Bob and I finalized the ordering of the headstone for her grave. Something we should of done a couple of weeks ago but just couldn't. We're considering the purchase of a bench so that we'll have a place to sit when we visit Lindz. I do find it very interesting that two of the latex balloons filled with helium from her birthday(Nov 24th) are still floating in her room.... One purple, and one pink. And these types of balloons normally only last a couple of days.

Hannah returns to school tomorrow; Todd will return next weekend. Their departures, and the house all to ourselves will be another adjustment and a reminder of our loss. We look back on the year and it's so surreal. I often ask myself... "did this really just happen to our family?" Yes, it happened... and we're adjusting.

Thank you for checking in.

Christmas Day - Community Outreach

As you might imagine, Christmas wasn't the same for the Morris family this year. We thought about how joyful the holidays of 2009 were as the family continued to celebrate Lindsey and Greg's engagement along with the rituals of the holidays.... Christmas Eve Service at church, my parents spending the night, brunch with our good friends Curt and Jo Marie Jones and their children and a big family Christmas dinner.

Our hearts continue to ache as we mourn the loss of Lindsey. I am reminded of a quote of C.S. Lewis, "The act of living is different all through. Her absence is like the sky, spread all over everything." I could not sleep Christmas Eve. Lindsey was on my mind.

Christmas traditions were altered this year. Those who were up to going to church, went... my parents spent the night, Santa arrived and we opened presents.However, the trees were not decorated, no stockings hung on the mantel. We surpassed on the annual brunch with the Jones family and the big family Christmas dinner. Instead of taking time to prepare our own family meal, we volunteered at Emanuel Community Center on Friday and Saturday. Friday we set-up, decorated and wrapped presents. Saturday we served a sit-down meal to approximately 300 people in the community. Todd in his tuxedo pants and white shirt, Hannah in something similar, taking orders, filling plates and serving others. It's the type of thing Lindsey was so good at... it came naturally for her.

During this time we are reminded of the Bible verse... "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." I'd add to this, blessed are those who learn self compassion during times of grief, for they shall go on to discover continued meaning in life. Death puts life into perspective.

Part of the self compassion for the females in the Morris/Jackson/Jenkins family will be a girls weekend get-away at the Lodge of the Four Seasons, the first weekend in January. We'll spend Saturday in the Spa and the rest of the time doing whatever we need to do to grant our self time to reflect. Part of the time will be spent mod-podging a memory table of our sweet Lindz. The boys will most likely take part in some indoor car race event.

As I close this update, I'd like to share a couple of notes from the book I'm reading:

* "Death ends a life, not a relationship"... by Jack Lemmon. This quote served as a good reminder for me to focus on the relationship I had with Lindsey.

* Borrowed Tears - You cry because your heart and soul are hurting and your emotions are tender. Your heart is broken now and anything that touches your heart even slightly may hurt. This statement explained why I'm finding myself more tearful than usual.... it's why the commercial about the dad telling the daughter to go change clothes makes me cry.

We hope our readers had a wonderful holiday with family and friends. Thank you for checking in.

We will never be the same....

http://www.cbn.com/christmas/


We will never be the same...eventually we will be better, all because of Lindz. She lives on...

A friend shared this video with me... how cool. Thank you!

Understanding Your Grief

A good friend gave me a book and journal, "Understanding Your Grief. Ten essential touchstones for finding hope and healing your heart." I'm reading it, and have purchased a couple more books for family members. I love the way this book is written and how the author speaks to and addresses how I am personally feeling. It's compassionately written and is helping me understand the normal and necessary journey called grief.

While I'm learning a lot from this book, two things have stood out... the books definition of grief and mourning:

Grief: the constellation of internal thoughts and feelings we have when someone we love dies. Think of grief as the container. It holds all of your thoughts, feelings and images of your experience when you are bereaved.

Mourning: is when you take the grief you have on the inside and express it outside of yourself... or "Grief gone public" or "the outward expression of grief." Talking about the person who died, crying, expressing your thoughts and feelings through art or music, and celebrating special anniversary dates that held meaning for the person who died are just a few examples of mourning.

A major theme in the book is rooted in the importance of openly and honestly mourning life losses, in expressing your grief outside of yourself. Over time and with the support of others, to mourn is to heal.

"Sometimes when one person is missing the whole world seems depopulated." That's the feeling this morning....

Lessons from Lindz

People have asked if we intend to continue updating Lindsey's blog. Our first thought was no.... this was her blog. It was created by her initially, and then updated by family members to keep those who care about her informed. And, quite frankly, we thought it would be to difficult, emotionally, for us to continue with the updates.

As we reflect upon Lindsey's goals and desires to be a teacher, it seems there may be an opportunity for us to "teach" so to speak, or more appropriately, share what we're learning as we begin to understand our own grief. In addition, as we're reading through the hundreds of cards, occasionally we find an extra note, or comment that really touches our heart... one that we would like to share with others as it keeps Lindsey's legacy more alive. What follows is a note we received at Lindsey's Memorial Service, from a person we know, but don't know well. What wonderful insight and perspective she has on Lindsey's journey.

There are no words to express my sympathy in your loss of your beautiful Lindsey. So many times during her fight and since her passing she has been on my heart and in my mind. I can't help but think that she has reached her ultimate goal and she continues to teach daily. I imagine her with children sitting at her knee listening to all she has to offer them. It came to my mind that there could be a book written called "Lessons from Lindz". Lindsey not only taught us how to live, she taught us how to die to this world and live forever with our Savior. She further taught us to:

1 - Rant and rave, get over it and get on with it.

2 - Smile and put on a good front but share everything, the good and the bad with those we love.

3 - Love God with all we have to offer.

4 - Live by example.

5 - Fight for what is good and right.

6 - Play the hand we're dealt with style.

7 - Never give up or give in.

8 - Adapt, adapt, adapt.

9 - See the beauty all around us.

10 - Enjoy the simple things.

11 - Curse the Chiefs.

12 - Praise God.

13 - Love children.

The list could go on and on.

Vicki Foulk and family... thank you for sharing what Lindsey taught you. This is beautiful. These lessons will serve as a constant reminder to me personally everyday going forward.

Lindsey Marie Morris-Elwood 1985 - 2010 - Obituary - Tributes.com

Lindsey Marie Morris-Elwood 1985 - 2010 - Obituary - Tributes.com



Lindsey Marie Morris-Elwood, 25, known affectionately by friends and family as "Lindz," went to be with our Lord Jesus Christ on November 28, 2010. She passed peacefully at home after a courageous battle with brain cancer. Lindsey was born in Independence, MO and lived her entire life in the Lee's Summit, MO area.
Lindsey graduated from in Lee's Summit High School in 2004 and was a 2010 graduate of the University of Central Missouri where she earned a Bachelor of Science degree. Lindsey was employed by the HyVee in east Lee's Summit for the past eight years where she enjoyed her co-workers and especially her customers. Lindsey also enjoyed counseling the campers each summer at Lee's Summit Parks and Recreation's "Camp Summit." In addition, Lindsey was a substitute teacher for the Lee's Summit School district, spending many summers as a paraprofessional and numerous days in the classroom during the school year.
Lindsey's faith was her anchor throughout her life. She enjoyed all the activities in the church, especially youth groups and summer camps. She spent many summers as a counselor at the United Methodist's Wilderness Camp in Lawson, MO. She loved being with the children and teaching them about faith and being a good Christian. She taught through her words, but especially by her example.
Lindsey's battle with brain cancer began at the age of twelve, a battle she fought with enormous strength. Although she had some post-treatment physical and cognitive disabilities, she worked tirelessly to accomplish her goals. Lindsey was passionate about children and loved to teach. Lindsey was a kind, compassionate, and giving young woman who simply loved to love others, especially children.
Lindsey is survived by her husband, Gregory James Elwood; her parents Bob and Sandy Morris; brother, Todd and her sister, Hannah; her paternal grandparents, Dr. Jay and Mary Ann Morris; her maternal grandparents, Bill and Jan Jackson; as well as her aunts and uncles, Charles and Janet MacLeod; Mark and Joann Jackson, and Mike and Nancy Jenkins; her cousins, Brett Jackson, Megan Alberg, Erin Johnson, Kelsie and Cole Jenkins and C.J. MacLeod.
Lindsey's memorial service will be at 3pm, December 11, 2010 at Aldersgate United Methodist Church, 350 SW 150 Highway, Lee's Summit, MO. In lieu of flowers, the family suggests contributions to Stowers Institute for Medical Research, Hope for Life, c/o Lindsey Marie Morris-Elwood, 1000 E. 50th St, KCMO 64110.
Fond memories and condolences for the family may be left at www.dwnewcomers.com (Arr: D.W. Newcomer's Sons Floral Hills Chapel, 7000 Blue Ridge Blvd., KCMO 64133, 816-353-1218

Lindsey's Memorial and Celebration of Life

Friends...

We grieve...our hearts ache,we are extremely sad even though we know our sweet Lindz is in Heaven and no longer suffering. We miss everything about her. For the last 10months our focus was on Lindsey, her illness, her desires, her wishes, and for the last four months caring for her as she could not care for herself.

It's hard to leave the house... no matter where I go I see something that reminds me of Lindsey...holding back the tears and my emotions is impossible. I know this time will pass.. it will get easier. Greg is suffering also and we grieve for him as his family is not there to provide comfort and support. If all goes as planned, Greg should arrive from Japan on December 4th, with 10 days of leave before he needs to return.

Plans for Lindsey's Memorial and Celebration of Life were finalized today. Her obituary will be in the December 5th Kansas City Star, and the Lee's Summit Journal. Lindsey's memorial service will be at 3pm, December 11, 2010 at Aldersgate United Methodist Church, 350 SW 150 Highway, Lee's Summit, MO. In lieu of flowers, the family suggests contributions to the Stowers Institute of Medical Research, Hope for Life, c/o Lindsey Marie Morris-Elwood, 1000 E 50th St, Kansas City MO, 64110. (This was Lindsey's desire... Giving Hope For Life® to Others. The Institute is built on the desire to offer hope for a variety of diseases, including cancer.)

The community has helped us through this with ever-loving acts of kindness and support. We are indeed blessed. Thank you to everyone.. the list is very long.

Final thoughts from Dad

At approximately 11:22 pm last night our beloved Lindsey was released from her broken body and allowed to enter God’s kingdom. God must have needed a new teacher, one who understands what people, especially children, sometimes have to endure during their earthly existence. We as a family are obviously devastated and saddened by this loss, but because of the enormous faith Lindsey displayed during her life we have to hold onto that same faith and be happy that she is indeed in a much better place, free of suffering and sorrow. She can fulfill her dream, albeit in a different place, of teaching children. During the times that I sensed she was very sad and very frightened I would try to comfort her by reminding her of the numerous small children we had met during her treatments who had indeed lost their battle at a very young age, these beautiful children I told her were not finished learning and would need a teacher in heaven too. This statement seemed to comfort her, seemed to make at least a tiny bit of sense of what was happening to her because perhaps she would indeed be able to fulfill her ultimate dream—to teach and make a difference to kids.
Lindsey enjoyed twelve “normal” years before the battle with brain cancer began. She was playing competitive soccer and doing quite well; three weeks later she had been diagnosed with the brain tumor and was headed to New York for surgery. I am aware that this information is already well known by most but I repeat it because it shows what Lindsey is really all about, it shows how she made adjustments with grace and dignity when her world was turned upside down in an instant. After the surgery she couldn’t walk, talk, or care for herself, she was in tremendous pain and yes she cried, but she never complained. She taught herself to write left-handed as her right hand no longer worked. She relearned simple tasks like tying her shoes, clasping her bra, simply walking and even though she walked with a limp, she never complained. The love and compassion she showed for others during this time was truly amazing. She told Sandy and I on more than one occasion that she was glad she was the one in the family who had the tumor because she simply couldn’t bear the thought of seeing her parents or siblings suffer. Lindsey described herself choosing the words kind, caring, and compassionate and I have to agree whole-heartedly. I would readily add the words strong and tenacious.
Although Lindsey had cognitive impairments following treatments she refused to give up. Yes, she would become frustrated by the extra time she had to invest into studies while her peers and siblings seemed to excel with relative ease, yet she stuck with it and in fact was on the honor roll repeatedly during her high school years. I am especially grateful to Lindsey’s peers at UCM who realized that although Lindsey didn’t have enough hours for her education degree she did in fact have enough for her Bachelor of Science. Thanks to these wonderful students and several of her professors after seven hard fought years Lindsey fulfilled her dream of earning her college degree and was able to walk across the podium with enormous pride and satisfaction from a job well done.
Lindsey was filled with excitement because she was about to begin her final semester of college, complete student teaching, and work toward acquiring employment. In January however the first of two car accidents occurred, within two weeks a second accident occurred and we knew we needed Dr. Allen, her neurologist , to evaluate. We took Lindsey for the needed MRI and then waited………, two days later Sandy got the call from Dr. Allen. Lindsey asked that my father, Dr. Jay Morris, accompany us to her appointment with Dr. Allen for the results. We were all taken into a dark office where the disk of Lindsey’s brain scan was inserted into the computer. Although Dr. Allen was carefully describing the regrowth of the tumor I looked to my right and saw my father’s face illuminated by the computer’s glow and I knew instantly that my beloved Lindsey was about to receive the most terrifying news of her life. After viewing the scan we were taken to an adjacent examination room where Lindsey received the prognosis of the images we had just seen. I’m quite sure that her screams could be heard throughout the entire office. Numb, I observed in total disbelief as Sandy and my Dad did their best to comfort her. I was at a total loss for words, I simply put my hand on her thigh and turned my head as the tears streamed down my face. The prognosis was dismal.
What followed next is what I believe was a shorter than usual “WHY ME!” grief period for Lindsey. She wept, she was angry, she ranted justifiably over the fact that she was so very close to earning her teaching degree and marrying the man of her dreams and now it was seemingly being jerked from her grasp. “ Why, why,why,why, me , I’ve already been through this and I thought after ten years I was safe. Please tell me why!! “ It wasn’t long however that Lindsey displayed an acceptance of her situation. What she did next speaks volumes about the person she had become. We witnessed her going to her study and her storage area in the basement and carefully organizing, categorizing, and boxing up all the teaching supplies and tools she had saved for the day she got her own classroom . Once she satisfactorily completed the task she phoned our neighbor’s daughter who is employed by Lee’s Summit R7 school district and asked her to please use them in her classroom. This was a very mature and selfless act which made me very proud. A hand made poster from the students who received the supplies hangs in Lindsey’s room which has a circle of the children’s hand prints surrounding a picture of all the books and supplies she had donated and the words, “your gifts have fallen into good hands .” Lindsey also had Aunt Nancy help her get pictures enlarged which she knew I cherished. They took them to be framed and brought them to my office where they now hang and remind me daily of the love we share. Also on the office wall there is a school assignment Lindsey completed entitled, “My Hero,” she wrote this paper referencing me but I certainly believe it pertains to her so much. The following is a quote from the paper………

A hero is an everyday person who can change the world for the better. It could be simple like helping one person out or by helping millions.


Responsible, honest, trustworthy.

Courageous and Brave - Is willing to take risks, stands up for his/her beliefs.

Intelligent - logical, sees the big picture, identifies the problem and plans a solution.

Selfless and humble-puts others first, doesn't seek rewards or prasies.

Has a sense of humor

Mentally strong and self confident - fear, mistakes, problems don't stop him/her.

The difference between the first and second battle with the tumor was hope. The first go round there was always hope and optimism, the second time there was none. Watching Lindsey slowly deteriorate from this disease has been gut-wrenching , I won’t repeat the information documenting the downward spiral because Sandy has done so already in this blog. It just hurts and hurts to the very core of your being to watch your child, your twenty-five year old daughter decline day by day.

Lindsey's only request was that she be able to die at home and I gave her my word that she would be able to do so. Dr. Taylor said it would take an army to accomplish this enormous task but that it could be done. I have to thank my wonderful army, the core of which was Sandy and Nancy. Our trio learned to do many tasks that hospice normally does which certainly helped Lindz feel more dignified and intimately loved. You allowed me to keep my word and I will be forever grateful to you. To the rest of my little army I say thank you so much, we did it.

I will end by quoting something my mother said when she was here last, she said as she wept, " I never knew anything could hurt this much." I couldn't agree more.........This HURTS!

Information about Lindsey's memorial will be shared at a later time.... a private family graveside service will occur for immediate family members prior to the memorial.

Lindsey Update

Lindsey made it through the night... today has been similar except the BP is so low that the machine will not register it.

Hannah is not returning to school until next semester. She only has a couple of weeks of classwork before finals. Todd returned to school this afternoon as it is much easier for him to get home if things change.

We know many people are checking in daily... we'll do our best to post daily updates.

Thank you for checking in.

Sleep-over... in Lindsey's Room

The family is camped out in Lindsey's room tonight. Bob on the floor mattress where he has been for the last month, Todd on the floor, Hannah in the large chair and ottoman, and me in bed with Lindz. Lindz' bp has been low, heart-rate at 135, breathing is very light and this evening sounds of congestion has begun with sporadic little coughs.

Will Jesus call her home tonight? We don't know... but if Lindz is, she'll go out of this life just as she came in, surrounded by family who love her dearly.

Thanksgiving

Much to be thankful for.... this afternoon Lindsey opened her eyes for a short while. She was tracking with the conversations, following the voices, and Greg picked up FaceTime in the early morning hours in Japan so he could talk with her.

Fast forward a couple of hours... we realized Lindsey's bed looked odd. Somehow the plug to the airbed came unplugged and the mattress was going flat. Ugh... and it will not refill with someone in the bed. It took four of us to move her to another resting place while the bed refilled with air. We changed the plug to another outlet to decrease the chance of this happening again. Sorry Lindz.... you're back resting peacefully now.

Happy 25th Birthday Lindsey!

God at work again.... Todd headed into town today to pick up the traditional Dairy Queen Ice Cream Cake for Lindsey. There was only one left. It was trimmed in pink icing with pink and purple circles all over it. Coincidence? I don't think so.

Lindsey rested peacefully today while friends and family gathered around to listen to music from Brice and Jack Anderson. The music was beautiful. Emotions were heavy as we embraced those that we love and thought about our dearest Lindsey.

More cards and flowers arrived today. Thank you again for helping us make a visual display for our Lindsey.

Thank you for checking in... have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Lindsey's Birthday Eve

As I sit here thinking about Lindsey's 25th birthday tomorrow, I find myself reflecting on the events of this night 25 years past. I clearly remember it... I was four days past my due date, it was a Saturday, and we were spending the evening with our friends Mark and Anita Warren. We had beef stew for dinner. I didn't know then that by 5:30am the next morning I would be at the hospital for a long day of labor pains. I clearly remember our friends and family members being present most of the 12 hours we were waiting for our baby to arrive. My mom was in the delivery room with Bob and I as we experienced the joy of Lindsey's arrival. The family continues to chuckle over my mother's announcement to all "It's a girl!"

Jump forward 25 years and while many things have changed, the pillars have not. Our family and friends continue to be present as we love and care for Lindsey during her fight with brain cancer. One pillar I've not spoken much about is my brother, Mark. It's become a joke in the family, did Bob marry me for me or did he marry me so he could spend more time with Mark. Either way, it's a sweet deal. I got a wonderful man, Bob got me and another friend for life, Mark. Mark spent the majority of his day here keeping Bob occupied... they worked on many projects around the house together. I now have a new automatic door closer on the entry from the garage, a new doggie door for Brady,replacement trim on the garage doors and I think they even attempted to clean up the brush around the pond. While Hannah and I were caring for Lindsey, Bob and Mark were ensuring that our support structure continued to be strong. Mark... he's a kind,generous and gentle person who is incredibly talented and successful. Mark - thank you for everything. We love you. Thank you for the countless hours you've spent at the Morris house being our friend, advisor, counselor, mechanic, repairman, and stand-up comedian.




Lindsey had a peaceful day. We've stopped all medications except for the morphine patch. All foods and liquids have been stopped as she is not able to swallow or keep foods down. I know she can hear us... today as I swabbed her mouth I asked her to open wide and she did. She occasionally will open her eyes and look around for a short time, particularly when people are talking to her. We enjoyed visiting with her friends from Hyvee, and the Smith family. Thank you for stopping by.

234.... unbelievable. Lindsey has 234 visible acts of love to look at on her wall. Thank you for sending the birthday cards and for checking in.

Life Ain't Always Beautiful

Tough day on Sunday. Couple bouts of stomach issues, difficulty swallowing, while awake at times, little acknowledgement and response. Please keep us in your prayers.

Birthday Card Update

Hi friends... as you can see from the photos, Lindsey is being "showered" with birthday cards. When she's awake, she stares at all the cards, looking from the wall, to the ceiling, to the other wall where a friend sent large, colorful Happy Birthday letters, which is perfect for someone who has partial vision. Todd arrived home Friday night and he'll be here for a week. I love these pictures of him reading Lindsey her cards. Hannah will be home late Tuesday evening, just in time for Lindsey's birthday on Wednesday.
Thank you for sending cards, Lindsey is enjoying looking up at all the "love" that is coming her way.

Celebrating Life

One way we celebrate life is by recognizing birthdays. That special day when parents are blessed by the birth of a new baby. The special day that as the child grows older others become blessed by their presence, gifts, time, interactions, etc. It's a day we say thank you for being who you are. Lindsey's birthday is November 24th and plans are underway to make it a special day for her. Many of our readers are a part of this as Lindsey has received around 70 cards. All of which have been individually opened, read out loud to Lindsey, and taped to the walls and ceiling. It has become our evening ritual.

Next week immediate family members will come by for (I'm sure you can guess what I'm about to type), ice cream. For Lindsey's birthday though we will have Dairy Queen Ice Cream Cake as that is her annual traditional request. A friend from Lee's Summit Community Christian Church is giving her his gift of music.... he will come over to play his guitar and sing. When this offer was made, I asked Lindsey if this is something she would like and her response was "Yes please. That is nice." Thank you Bryce Anderson for this offer. We're being very respectful of Lindsey's desires on who she would like to come over right now....we hope you understand.

We believe Lindsey had another seizure Tuesday morning. Her responsiveness and appetite has seen some decline. Taking medication is also becoming more difficult for her. We continue to keep the pain under control which allows her to rest comfortably.

Thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers. We're looking forward to having the family together next week during this week of Thanksgiving.