One Year
The storms of life are not discriminating. We all experience them no matter our age or status. Any one of us at any time can find ourselves surprised by joy one minute and overwhelmed by grief the next. We don’t get that job we counted on. The man we love suddenly decides he doesn’t love us back. The test results come back positive. Our children make bad choices and take paths we never would have chosen for them. Someone we love dies.
A cloud started brewing over the Morris family and friends in February 2010. We became fearful as we stepped into the unknown of what lied ahead. Lindsey who was so full of hope and love, received the most devastating news of her life. Her dream to be a teacher and wife and mother was shattered. Her fear that the brain tumor may someday return became real. The “return of the tumor” consumed us all and on November 28, 2010 it took our sweet Lindz away from us.
Jesus promised that although we would face tribulation, to take heart (John 16:33). For He has overcome.
And that was only one of his promises to us. When life throws us curves, when people disappoint us, when circumstances make us question our faith, we have His promises of hope to hold on to in the tough times. Our knuckles are white from holding on… our hands are callused. During the times when I force myself to be still I can hear God saying.. I am with you.. I know life is hard.. I am here to help you.
One year. Yet we still have days when we expect to hear her voice.
One year. We wake up at night and feel her presence… we smell her perfume… we feel her breath.
One year. Some days it feels like forever. Other times just like yesterday.
One year. You forever wake up and pray that it was all just a bad dream.
One year. There are times of numbness then times when a whole day goes by and you realize you didn’t think of Lindsey… then you feel guilty. Not only guilt for not thinking of her that day… but guilt for things that you wish you would of done differently, had we known. Maybe I was too hard on her. Did I expect to much? Did we do enough? Should we have tried harder to find a solution?
She is gone. Our hearts remain fragile. We do our best to adjust as Lindsey asked that we do.
As I was cleaning Lindsey’s room, you can only imagine all the notes, pictures, etc that I found. I think Lindsey would be fine with me sharing one of these notes with you.
A Note from Lindz….unedited, typed as she wrote it.
Spiritual Goals 4 My Life
1. Pray More – everyday
2. Read Bible daily
3. Become more spiritual
4. Have a spiritual relationship
5. Become a greater prayer
6. Be stronger, have people look at me and know that I’m a good Christian
7. Live my life more like Jesus’
8. Become financially fit – OK
9. Tithe 10%
10. Memorize verses according to what I need for that week. I want to fall back in love with you.
As the family sat around the table Thanksgiving day, and the day of Lindsey’s birthday, we shared with each other the many things we have to be thankful for. Bob shared that Lindsey’s constant reminder that Jesus calls us to love has been the pillar for him this year.
The past two years have been difficult for many. In our grief, we also remember the family of Mark and Brenda Hill whose son, Michael also lost the battle to cancer. Michael was a very close friend of Todd’s. My cousin Dale and Lori Hudson, lost their daughter suddenly. John and Karen Benckesser’s son also passed away. And then, a friend of my nephew, Brett Jackson, Clint Sparks died in car accident,July 2010.
“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles.” Isaiah 40:
The family continues to renew their strength and carry on the special gifts of Lindsey.
