Quick update from Me; Some education from my Mom

My (Lindsey) update:

Hi.. it's been awhile since I updated. I've been busy. Last weekend we ate our way through Branson. The pictures above are from our last stop at Lamberts. (well, next to last stop before Dairy Queen). I can't believe my Mom has never been to Lamberts! Mom and Hannah are showing off their food babies after eatting one to many rolls! The photo of the cross-eyed girl is my cousin Kelsie. She's crazy fun. We were having a rockfest in Big Red(aka the Surburban). The seatbelt she is holding was actually her microphone. Even Grandma was singing along. Branson was fun. We saw one show - "Six", shopped, went to Silver Dollar City, but mostly hung out and had fun.

I continue to feel pretty good. I'm sleeping, no headaches, and I've been able to go out with my friends. Thank you friends for planning things to do with me. It's the pits not being able to drive.

I'm looking foward to this weekend. We're heading to Daytona, FL on Sunday and then Greg comes in on Friday night. I miss him terribly. We're suppose to go to a wedding in Lincoln next weekend but I'm giving some serious thought to Greg and I staying in MO while everyone else goes North. I'll see what he would prefer to do. I hope my friends in Lincoln understand.

Update from Mom:

The Morris house is humming again with the sounds of laugher, activity, and the regular routines of life. Ahh.. how nice it is to have Todd and Hannah home for the summer, and to have the Lindsey that we all love and cherish back. Lindsey's doing pretty good. While moments of extreme sadness occur, those times are less frequent. We're in search of a good support group for her to attend. She's also struggling a bit because she'd like to do something to earn money, to contribute and help out. Everyone else is working this summer and it's hard for her because she is use to being so busy. We're working on what her "jobs" or "contributions" can consist of.

I find myself laying in bed at night, and in the morning thinking about what else we can be doing to fight the tumor. It's very difficult , you feel so helpless. If you're a parent, I'm sure you can relate. I continue to wonder why it's been so difficult to find a cure for Glioblastomas and why is it that the tumors typically return. This week I found an article which is the first one I've seen that helps to answer my questions. The article is dated April 2010 in "Science Daily". - Brain Cancer: Study Focuses on Forgotten Cells. I've included a few notes from the article below:

* Glioblastoma is a guileful enemy.

* While most of the brain tumor can often be removed surgically, in virtually every case the tumor reappears. One reason for this is that sporadic, infiltrative tumor cells will remain in the brain even after the most careful surgery and treatment.

* These "forgotten" cells have been scrutinized more closely for the first time!

* Many of the fundamental properties of the "forgotten" cells were substantially different from the cells in the midst of the tumor mass. Thus, one potential explanation as to why radiation or chemotheraphy cannot entirely prevent this deadly disease to reoccur.

* While examining the residual cells, the researcher made an astonishing discovery. The cancer cells in the vicinity of the tumor have different properties compared to those from the center of the tumor. For instance, they are more mobile, they form other receptors, they react differently to radtiotion therapy or chemotherapeutic substances.

This group of researchers are on to something. For new approaches to therapy they first new to better understand the biology of the cells even better.

So.. to help with the funding of research to find a cure for brain cancer, the Morris Family is forming a team to participate in the August 29th "Head for the Cure" 5k at Corporate Woods. We'd love to have you join us! You can walk or run, or simply show up to cheer us on. We'll share more information as we get this team together. We're in the process of thinking of a team name, t-shirt designs, sponsors for the t-shirts, etc. If you have a suggestion for a team name please send it to me - skm22@embarqmail.com. We're creating a list of names for Lindsey to pick from.

Also, if you're interested in sending Lindsey a card or giving her a call, she would love to hear from you. Send me a message at my email above and I'll be glad to give you Lindsey's information.

Thank you for your continued positive thoughts and prayers. Your prayers for "good days" have been answered! We're at a spot now where I can begin to transition back to work!

I'm a College Graduate!

High school graduation - 2004

College graduation - 2010

It took me 6 years, but I did it! While it's not the Education degree I was working towards (which would of occurred in December 2010), it's a degree which represents more hard work then most students can imagine. My professors and advisors tell me that most students would of given up. And, in case you're wondering if UCM made a special exception because of my brain tumor, they did not. I had 120 + hours and I met all the requirements for a degree in general studies.

I've attached a few pics. It was a great day, but exhausting. I was in bed by 8:30.

Update from the Doc Appt

If you know me, you know I love the color pink!

I don't love the fact that today I saw with my own eyes that the tumor is still there and it's slightly larger than it was before. Yes i's growing. And it's not pretty. It's stupid actually. The routine of taking my temperature, taking my blood pressure, my heart rate etc and hearing the nurse say that all is good is annoying. All is not good! I have a freaking tumor growing in my head.

I talked with Dr. Taylor about starting chemo again. But then when she emphasized the rigid nightly routine of taking meds and the weekly trips to the office for blood testing, and she couldn't promise me that the tumor would stop growing, I said "Nope. Not doing chemo again." I'm feeling good right now and I want to have as many good days as possible, instead of feeling crummy and being poked on etc.

The great news of today - I CAN FLY! I did a little happy dance in the office when Dr. Taylor said she thought it would be okay. Mom's a little nervous... But I have to do it soon. So... we're busy trying to pull together a family vacation to San Diego. We'll have some fun and I'll get to see my husband. He's planning to fly back here Memorial Day weekend so if everything works out, I'll stay in San Diego with him for a week after the rest of my family returns home. Please pray that this trip will work out! It could very well be the last family vacation together. :o(

God - thank you for another great day of feeling good. Thank you for smart, kind, compassionate doctors.

Oh, in case you didn't know - Tomorrow is graduation day. I'm so excited!

Just got home from having Mexican food with my parents and Todd. We're picking Hannah up in a little bit. Todd and Hannah will be home for the summer!

A little nervous this morning...

I have an MRI today and a follow-up appointment with Dr. Taylor. The MRI will help the Dr. and I evaluate the effectiveness of starting chemo again. For me it's a decision about do I fight this on my own and trust that God's will for me is greater than any medicine out there or do I go back on chemo to help slow down or stabilize the growth?

While I'm having good days, and enjoying doing things with my Mom and others, I also have terrible mornings and nights when I think about what is going on and what it really means for me. I know many prayers are occurring, all around the world. I know some of those have been answered. While I know that I will go to heaven, I wasn't planning on going anytime soon.

I hate watching what this is doing to my dad. Dad and I are like two fingers crossed together. We are very close. Please pray for my Dad. Give him strength to get through this crisis.

Thank you to Mary Nelson for coordinating a graduation celebration at my previous middle school. It was great seeing my teachers and my friends. The ice cream, the cards, the chance to visit with everyone was great! Mary - I've opened your "Hallelujah" card many times! I love the music cards! Oh, and in case you're reading this Blog for the first time, I'm graduating from UCM tomorrow! One major goal and milestone done!

Update from the Doc

Doctor Taylor was amazed at how good I looked, my ability to have a conversation with her that for the most part made sense (I did struggle for some words), the fact that I'm not having any major headaches, and my level of energy is high. She was very pleased to hear that my sleep patterns are more normal and the behavior issues have pretty much gone away. She was also pleased to see how well I'm getting around. Last time I saw her I had difficultly walking out of her office and I had to ask for a wheel chair.

Answered prayers???? I believe so. Am I healed???? I don't know... I doubt it because I still have the vision issues and word finding issues, and I can feel the pressure in my brain. Am I doing better today than two weeks ago. YES. Thank you for praying for me. God is at work. He's listening to you, and he is giving me good days.

I learned that I can start the chemo back up without needing to also go back on the same regimen of others meds. Before we do anything though Dr. Taylor has requested an MRI to see what's going on with the "return of the tumor". I'll know more after I meet with her next Friday. I'll also have a more definitive answer on my ability to fly after they see how the tumor is behaving in my brain.

Gotta go... Ants have invaded my room and I need to go suck them up with the vacuum and set out the little Ant Motels so they'll take the disguised poison back to their farm.

Unique Wedding Gift - A Star for a Great Couple

This is so cool. Here's the note from my friends... Sara Tuttle and fellow Footsteps Counselors

In honor of your shining inspiration to each of us on your wedding day to Greg, this star will bring a ray of light to our darkest evenings just as you bring hope and love to each and every person you meet. Your faith in our Lord encourages all of us to become better followers of Jesus in every aspects of our life. As the campers gather at church camps around the world this summer and gaze into the night sky each and every one of them will be touched by this star sparkling in their direction and the testimony of the always smiling person who gave it a name. Congratulations to you and Greg. I wish you all the love and hope that a couple could share together.

So now I can say that I'm a real star!

Today was a good day for me. Not a great day for the income though. We had a garage sale and in eight hours I made about $150. You're thinking, that's not bad at 18 an hour but I had 20 hours of prep time. I had fun being the sales person, however I couldn't get anyone to purchase my carnival toy. Tonight I challenged Dad to a beer chug at the El Mazatlans and won (granted he had a little more beer left than I did). We laughed until Mom cried.

Tomorrow I meet with Dr. Taylor. Now that I'm thinking more clearly I'll be able to have a conversation that I can hopefully remember. I don't remember much from the last visit. I'm looking for the magic pill and I'm guessing she won't have this for me. It's very difficult because I want to be around for a long time. Its hard to think about me not being here with my family. okay.. enough sad talk.

Well, the count down is on to graduation day. 8 more days to graduation. 7 more days until Hannah comes home from Texas. 14 more days until the girls trip to Branson with my Grandmother Jackson, my aunts and cousins(Thank you Grandpa Jackson for funding the trip for us. I LOVE YOU. This is a trip we had planned before we were aware of the "return of the tumor") And, Greg just called and said he's coming to MO Memorial Day weekend. Of course I wanted him here this weekend but he has "duty".

If you're really into the star gazing thing, I can give you the coordinates to my star. Just let me know.

Hello - I'm back - It's an update from Lindsey!

Hi... It's Lindsey, and I'm telling my mom what to type. It's been awhile since I've given anything to my Mom.

I'm back! It's been a great week. Almost perfect. Well other than the fact that I have a brain tumor. But I'm coping pretty well. The wedding was awesome. Greg and I stayed at the Chauteu Avalon and it was incredible. The rooms there were so cool. We spent an hour and half just touring the different rooms and taking pictures.

Taking Greg to the airport was hard. It was not a nice day. I miss him. I cried, and cried, and cried again. I'm looking forward to seeing him on May 15 when my mom and I take a road trip to Ohio. We're hoping Hannah can get off work so she can join us and of course help with the driving since I can't drive.

I went to see Steve Curtis Chapman perform Friday night. He was really good. My mom kinda forgot though how being around a lot of people makes my head hurt. It's like there is to much to focus on. We listened to him in the lobby and had some coffee. And, I bought a really cool shirt. The front says "I'm Cinderella". The back says "the dance will go on." (check out the picture) I love that because I know that in heaven I will be dancing with high heal shoes on! Something I can't do right now. Oh yeah, then we topped off the night with ice cream sundaes from Winsteads. It was a fun night with some of my Mom's friends, who are also my friends, and my friend Jennifer.

Steven Curtis Chapman has a really sad story though. A story that is worse than mine. His daughter died... she was accidentally run over by his son. I can't imagine. That would be awful.

So.. I've been thinking... since I'm feeling pretty good right now I'm wondering if I should talk with Dr. Taylor about chemo again. It's hard because I don't want to die, at least not right now. But at the same time I want to have fun and be able to do things like see my new husband and have fun with him, do things with my family and hang out with my friends. The last 2 days I've begun to feel more like my old self (minus the vision problems and speech problems). I've also been sleeping better also. I know that chemo will make me sick, and tired, and crankly, and no fun to be around. Since I've been exploring this question, my family have begun sharing stories of what I was like while on all the meds. It's strange because it's as if they are talking about a person I don't know. I don't remember. So God, help me with this decision. I know you're out there. I have proof because you've already answered many prayers. So.. help me with that question please. I still get very sad about all of this when I think about it because Greg and I were suppose to have 4 kids, buy a house close to my parents, and grow old together.

In the mean time, I have some fun things planned. Tomorrow my Mom and I will take a road trip to MU to see my brother. I haven't been down to campus at all, nor have I seen his duplex.

Wednesday I'll spend the day with my Aunt Nancy, and hopefully a couple of people will come by for the Chat and Chew. If not, no biggie... as I can Chat and Chew with my Aunt. Thursday and Friday I'm having a garage sale at my Aunt's. I have some good stuff to sell. Then the really exciting thing is my college graduation on May 8th! And then the next week we road trip to Ohio to see Greg and his family. Somewhere in between Mom and I will plant flowers, the garden, etc.

Chat and Chew with Lindsey

Many of Lindsey's friends have called and asked about stopping by to visit. If you know where we live, it's not the most convenient location to just stop by when you're out and about. My sister, Nancy Jenkins, suggested we schedule a date and time that friends could stop by her house to chat with Lindsey.

Date: Wednesday, April 28
Location: 609 NE Bryant Drive, LS MO
Time: 3pm - 6:30pm
Phone number: 525-6802

Directions... East on Langsford road to Todd George. North on Todd George (or left) to NE Bordner Drive. Take a left on to Bordner Drive. Take the first right, which is Misty Lane. Proceed to NE Bryant Drive and turn right. It's the 3rd house on the right.

Feel free to stop by and chat! We'll also have some things for you to "chew" on!

What's Next?

Some people have asked what the plans are for Greg and Lindsey. Will she stay in Missouri or go to San Diego with Greg? Prior to learning of Lindsey's brain tumor, Greg and Lindsey had planned on Lindsey graduating and looking for a teaching position in Missouri. They would see each other during school breaks until Greg was done with his military assignment.

While Lindsey will be graduating, her current health does not allow her to work, nor does it make sense at this time for her to travel to San Diego with Greg. Lindsey needs someone with her at all times. Greg will fly to Missouri as much as possible. Lindsey would also like to plan at least one trip to San Diego, providing her health allows that to happen. If she goes to San Diego, someone will have to accompany her. Greg will be in San Diego until October at which time he will transfer to Japan for six months.

The newlyweds spent Saturday night at Crown Center. They are doing things in town this week and will spend Thursday night at Chateau Avalon before Greg departs for San Diego on Friday. An out of town trip would of been very challenging. (I know that sounds odd, the behavior issues are challenging and it's something a person needs a break from occasionally. At times you also need assistance.)

Regarding Lindsey's health.... she has asked about starting the chemotherapy again. While the behavior issues have reduced, we continue to be challenged by her desire to purchase items. We've tried multiple tactics except for simply not allowing her to go shopping. Even when receiving agreement on what will be purchased when going shopping, the agreement is broken. Most times I can allow her to purchase the item, which is promptly put in the trunk of my car, then I return it. It's interesting to me that Lindsey doesn't ask about the item after the initial purchase. Yet, talking her out of a purchase is very challenging and at times impossible. People who are aware of this tendency have been good at helping by stating "let me hold that for you and you can get it next time." (Carol K - your approach was successful the last time we were in HyVee and Lindsey wanted 2 baseball hats).

To allow me to focus on Lindsey, and the rest of the family during this time, I have taken some time off of work. Bob is very challenged when interacting with Lindsey. It's been very difficult for him. I'm hoping to reengage with work in mid to late May. We'll see how things go here at home.

Tonight some friends are coming over to give Greg and Lindsey an Ice Cream Sundae party. Thank you for friends that create moments to look forward to.

A Celebration of Love - A Picture Perfect Day

April 17, 2010 was a beautiful day. It will be a day that we and many others will remember forever. The photos best capture the celebration. The afternoon started with a few fun photos of the Morris cousins on the old seeder. A similar photo was taken in 1994.

The celebration occurred in the backyard of Jay and Mary Ann Morris' home. We reminisced as this is the 3rd wedding on the "Morris Farm". I love this photo of Bob as he decided at the last minute that he needed to go with Greg and Lindsey....it's great to see this smile on his face.

Congratulations Greg and Lindsey. You are loved by many.

3 more days, then the BIG DAY!

As Lindsey and I were reading through her blog she commented that the post about her email address was missing. I'm not sure what happen with it so we will try to recreate.



If you haven't noticed Lindsey's email address, you should. It's igotfaithphil413@msn.com. It's an email address she has had for many years. It represents who she is and one of her favorite bible verses. It is this faith of hers that has gotten her through many trials and tribulations. Trials such as adjusting to the learning disabilities that occurred after her first brain tumor to physical disabilities, to simple daily issues that surface. Lindsey's life journey has been rocky but you wouldn't know if you had the opportunity to interact with her. She has a contagious smile, a desire to please, and she is usually very positive. Lindsey's faith is what gets her through the difficult times. She loves the Lord with all her heart and knows that it is Him that she can always lean on. Does this mean that she never gets angry with Him? Absolutely not. She has had many moments of anger. Many moments of asking why me and why now? Yet she also realizes that those questions will most likely not be answered soon enough for her. We may not know for awhile what His plan is so we put our trust in Him and know that it is in Him that we will get through this life journey.



Even as preparations for the wedding are underway for Saturday, Lindsey is currently preparing the household for guests. It's so sweet to see the special touches she is applying to the bedrooms. Our guests will arrive on Thursday evening, along with Todd and Hannah who will also be home. Thanks to our good friends Curt and Jo Marie, the Best Man and his wife will stay at their home, which is close by.



We see the Lord's hand at work even as we recreate the wedding which hand been cancelled. You see, I had returned everything(except the wedding dress which is nonreturnable) and cancelled everything. As I went to repurchase the items, the most important pieces were still available. The plans are coming together very nicely, while on a smaller scale, it will still be a very lovely celebration for Greg and Lindsey. A special thank you goes out to Lindsey's grandparents, Jay and Mary Ann Morris who are opening their home for the wedding. They would have it no other way. There are many others who have helped orchestrate... from the musicians (Vicki Coy, Phil Hilton, Jerome), the seamstress (Mary Nelson), the caterer (Gareth Agnew), the florist (Jennifer Agnew), the photographer (Gordon Maxey and friend), the video guy (Brett Jackson), the hair and make-up artist (McKenzie Marston) and Lindsey's fairy God mother - the pastor who will officiate the celebration - Karen Bordner. I'm sure I'm leaving someone out. Thank you to everyone for coming together to make this a very special day for Lindsey and Greg.


One are of focus for me right now is to help Lindsey overcome her frustration with Greg not being here "RIGHT NOW!" (Those are the words she uses with him.. I want you here RIGHT NOW! ) Greg will arrive on Thursday. The original plans had him arriving on April 10th... she seems to have forgotten much of what occurred during the time she was on all the meds. She remembers calling off the wedding, but doesn't seem to understand that other things had to also be changed. It's a good thing that she does not remember what she was like during this time. It's a memory we would all like to suppress.


Pray for beautiful weather on Saturday and for Lindsey to continue feeling as good as possible. She has had 4 great days of energy and behavior that has been more positive than negative.

Fascinating... In a very strange way.

The brain... it's a complicated and very fascinating organ. It's runs the show and controls everything we do. You can get cancer in any other part of the body and you will not have the interesting, complicated, and unusual issues that surface when one has cancer of the brain. Yet this big, wrinkly, gray sponge is also great at compensating for areas of the brain that may not be functioning at full capacity. Add a combination of medications to the mixture and predicting the outcomes and the interactions becomes a game. It's a game we stopped playing and at the time we did I predicted that talks of wedding could resurface.

My prediction came true... Friday, April 9th we decided the best thing to do for Lindsey and Greg was to allow them to celebrate the deep love they have for one another. Lindsey insisted...Greg agreed as he never wanted to cancel. After 2 weeks of saying no wedding, I can't do this, and giving Greg the rings back, the wedding is back on, but at a much smaller scale. Lindsey's desire is to have the wedding at her Grandmother and Grandfather Morris' house which is just over the hill from the house she lived in until age 9. While we would love to invite everyone who has been praying for Lindsey, due to the change in location we've had to scale back the original invitation list. We hope you understand. The wedding will be on Saturday, April 17th at 4pm.

Lindsey has received many letters, cards, books from friends. She's very funny about hoarding these until she is ready to open them. One of the packages we opened tonight which was received a couple of weeks ago. I find it interesting how the timing of the opening of these items has worked. Today's envelope contained three books - "Jesus the Healer", "There is a Miracle in Your Mouth", and "Healed of Cancer". All three were received from the mother of a new friend Hannah has meet in college. Hannah's friend, Sarah Adams, attends Lakewood Church in Houston. I flip through the "Healed of Cancer" book and land on page 54 which says "Be anointed with oil by a Christin who believes in healing. " If anyone among you is sick let him call for the elders of the church and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord.
Interesting timing because today I attended church with Lindsey at Lee's Summit Community Christian and they did just that. The minister and other members of the church anointed Lindsey with oil and prayed for Lindsey in the name of the Lord. An amazing experience. We have had other similar coincidences happen along the way. Once we get through this journey I plan to document in a more formal way some of our experiences. Experiences that we know don't just happen without someone else much larger than any of us taking charge.

The last three days for Lindsey have been good in comparison to the last 3 weeks. While word finding and vision continues to be a challenge, the emotional and anger issues have stopped. It's no longer a major chore to arrive someplace on time.

Thank you for continuing to send positive thoughts to the Morris family. Most importantly, thank you for praying for Lindsey. We have proof that it's helping. We know that God's hand is right here with us during this very difficult and trying time. We're getting more sleep which allows for many other positive things to occur. While there are times when we are still very sad, we are looking for things to laugh about, to simply enjoy everyday. You see life is to short to be angry, to be mad, or to simply not make best of the situation.

Have a great week.

Update from the Doctor Appointment

Tuesday, April 6th, we met with Dr. Taylor, Lindsey's oncologist. We (Dr. Taylor, Bob, Bob's dad, and myself) jointly decided that the best next step is to focus on Lindsey's quality of life. The combination of meds affected her in a way that created significant challenges for everyone involved. Since stopping a combination of medications on March 28, which included the chemotherapy, some of the behavior issues have stopped. Life has become more "normal" and we have not had any occurrences of significant anger, tantrums, or defiance.

We're learning a lot through this journey. Our perceptions of practices utilized are changing. One of those perceptions is Hospice. We have historically thought of Hospice as an organization that is engaged when an individual is quickly approaching the end of life. That perception was wrong. The organization really focuses on both hospice and palliative care, which means that patients can have the expertise of their staff and individualized care at any point during a serious illness. The organization can do many things to maximize the comfort of the patient AND the family. Palliative care can begin at any stage of a serious illness, is available for patients while they receive or seek treatment, and it is often provided earlier depending on the patients needs. Hospice is a special type of palliative care for people who have life-limiting illnesses and who are focused on comfort, rather than a cure. At the beginning of round two of Lindsey's illness, Dr. Taylor indicated that with Lindsey's high-grade Glioma tumor we may have 6 months with Lindsey if we opt for no treatment. Pursuing treatment may extend life to a year. We will cherish every moment we have and continue to pray for a miracle.

Hospice is now working with us. Registration occurred Tuesday night. The first visit with a Hospice nurse will occur today.

We are seeing signs of our previous Lindsey. For the first time in 4 weeks she actually watched an entire episode of The Survivor, one of her favorite shows. She had a great day with her other "mom", Aunt Nancy as they spent the day together. I love this photo of Nancy and Lindsey. God has given us a great family and a group of friends that have been incredible support through this journey. We are thankful and truly blessed.

Dr. Appt Today - April 6th.

Lindsey has an appointment with Dr. Taylor today. First on our list of questions is around sleep management. Last week the average nightly sleep was 6 hours (in bed by 11:30, up around 5/5:30am). The last two nights however has been 2.5 hours. In bed by 11/11:30 and up at 1:30am. This sleep pattern is significantly different than pre-tumor for Lindsey who was often times in bed by 10pm, up at 7am, and then would also nap during the day.

Second on our list is tumor management. How do we proceed? If the combination of chemo and anti-seizure meds is causing the difficult personality issues, what is the best course of treatment? Do we go back on the meds that have the most potential to slow tumor growth and make life uncomfortable to miserable for Lindsey and those around her or do you focus more on quality of life?

On a separate topic - Wedding.

In a prior post we mentioned that Lindsey gave Greg the ring back indicating that a wedding would be to much at this time. The wedding has been cancelled.

While it's not something Lindsey talks much about anymore, there are moments when she'll bring the wedding up. The most recent conversation occurred on Sunday when she stated that she wanted to go shopping for Grandmother Jackson's dress for the wedding. Last night as she was visiting with Megan and looking through a wedding book, I mentioned that based on the fact that she gave the rings back, still doesn't have a ring, and that she indicated that the wedding would be to much, we have not been focusing on wedding plans. I indicated that based on the current health issues, that it seemed best to postpone the wedding at this time (intentionally using the word postpone to prevent setting off anger/behavior issues.) She seemed confused, but not upset, like one would expect a person to be during a conversation such as this. I asked her to talk with Greg, which she immediately left him a message and asked him to call back but didn't state why. When he returned the call about 20 minutes later, she couldn't remember what her question was. While Greg knows that a wedding doesn't make sense right now. He too is confused because he is hoping that this is all just a bad dream and that the girl he fell in love with will come back.

It's 3:18am in the morning and I can hear Lindsey in her room cleaning out her closet..... I'm choosing not to open her door because unlike Lindsey, I do need to get some sleep. If I see what she is up to, I know I'll have this urge to pick-up and clean-up.

When people ask if I/Lindsey had a good or normal day, I'm not sure how to respond. Our definition of normal/good seems to change daily. I find myself evaluating days like I do projects at work... red, yellow or green. Yet overtime, how one defines a good day changes.

Favorite photos from the past week....

These photos each tell a story. Stories about keeping strong, to having fun, to helping, to spending time with a loved one doing something they love to do, cherishing the moment, and celebrating a 99th birthday. We are learning how important it is to not wait to have these stories. Don't wait..... Make your own great story today.

Misc Updates - Easter, Lindsey, and Fund raiser total

Updates from Mom....

Lindsey and I spent time this morning talking about Easter. Lindsey has the following 2 points to share...

I am the resurrection and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live. And whoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die.
Bible: John, 11.


All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt. - Lucy Van Pelt - Peanuts

She also hopes that you find yourself in a church sometime during the Easter weekend. Easter is really what our faith is all about. If you don't have a church, there's no time like the present to find one and start going.

I cherish the sweet moments with Lindsey. This morning I heard Lindsey awaken around 5am. Since I was not ready to begin my day, I found a place in her bed. She was up and about, but then quickly came over and tucked me in, put pillows around me, placed her sleep mask over my eyes, closed the curtains, turned on soft music. I was reminded again that we have a God that is good all the time.


Thanks to a friend, the younger ones in my house today will have chocolate Easter bunnies, Cadbury Creme Eggs, and an assortment of chocolate eggs. This is a friend, like many of my friends, who understands that during difficult times doing the things one normally does is a challenge. This same friend sent me home this weekend with a large pot of Taco Soup and coffee cake. Thank you to all my friends. Your kind guestures and acts of kindness makes a tremendous difference.

Since starting Lindsey on the Risperidone we have not had the occurences of extreme anger, tandrems and other severe mood swings. The Morris household is adjusting to her need to constantly reorganize and move items from room to room. Some of this adjusting is simply locking doors, removing door knobs, relocating important items that she should not be sorting through, and most importantly, just allowing her to do this. While it may drive me crazy, she finds comfort in it.

Lindsey and I met with Hyvee Friday morning to learn about the success of the Pasta Fundraiser. We were speechless to hear of the total amount raised. We are once again blessed to live in such a wonderful community and to have the good fortune of our children working for a company like HyVee. I've pasted below the message the message the store director sent out to all the supporters.

Lindsey Morris Benefit Dinner
March 24th, 2010

On behalf of Hy-Vee, numerous co-workers and I would like to thank everyone for their involvement in supporting a cause close to our hearts. As many of you already know, Lindsey has worked with our store for over 7 years. She has always had an outgoing and shining personality.
It was very endearing to see the overwhelming support for Lindsey and her family during this difficult time. I am proud to say that we served 655 dinners and collected an additional $6700 in donations for a grand total exceeding $10,000.
Thank you again,

Randy Summerville
Lee’s Summit #1-1380
Store Director

Thank you.

Change in Meds

After a very stressful two weeks of major personality disorders, sleepless nights, and anger issues, the consultation with the doctor resulted in a change in meds. We have stopped the chemo and anti-seisures and we are only administering steriods and mild sedatives. We'll monitor sleep and mood swings. For Lindsey it's all about quality of life, not quantity. We agree. The Lindsey we lived with for the last 2 weeks was some stranger that showed up at our house.

Tonight was a little more normal with a nacho party in the study with Megan and Lindsey. All three of us chowed down and topped the meal off with ice cream. Lindsey actually joked with us. This was the good that we saw today. Megan - thank you for making time in your week to stop by and visit. You make the evening better. (ugh.. what will I do when you move to Hawaii?)

A friend also sent me the card I posted in this update. Laughter is good. Laughter is necessary. I laughed tonight as Lindsey gently toppled over while changing and then proceeded to turn around and moon me... stating, put this on the blog. I opted to go with a photo of the card.

Todd is home this week on Spring Break. Hannah flies home on Thursday evening. Greg will arrive Friday night. I'm looking forward to a full house and celebrating my Great Uncle Hal's 99th birthday on Saturday. It was great to see Lindsey joking this evening with Todd.. you can see the playfulness in her expression. We're praying that this is what we continue to see in the days to come.

A Prayer for the Parents

A note from Mom....

While Lindsey is tolerating the chemotherapy very well (no significant problems with nausea and other tummy issues) the new behaviors surfacing is posing a challenge. We have reached out to Dr. Taylor to inquire about adjusting the medication and to see if we should add a new one to combat the manic type behaviors.

Lindsey finds comfort in me reading to her. Yesterday evening I read outloud while she moved about her room. The evening was going well until at 8:30 she decided that Aunt Nancy needed to come over. In the midst of discussions, Melanie Peters called and she came to the rescue. She came over for about an hour, she helped Lindsey finish up the reorganization of Hannah's closet (yes Hannah, beware...in the midst of the evening she ascended on your room), and we ended the evening with a sampling of desserts from Linda Cloud, Rhonda Mathews, and Chris. At 10:30pm, Lindsey feel asleep. Whew, that was nice. I thought we would have a restful night.

At 1:30am, Bob and I were awakened by Lindsey. She was up and her body was aching. She laid on the floor sobbing. We stretched and we rubbed for 30 minutes. Lindsey laid back down, and we returned to bed. Lindsey did not stay in bed. She decided that the bathroom, once again, needed to be cleaned. This photo is what we awakened to. Most rooms that Lindsey ascends upon ends up like this. You don't dare to help or she becomes violent. This is not our Lindsey.

I ask that you pray for the personality disorders to go away. We ask that you pray for patience and strength for our family. It's exhausting.

Patience and Time

An update from Mom...

I was reminded yesterday that this is OUR time with Lindsey. We should cheris this as nothing is more important than what we have today. So you make time, and you let things go.

This morning during breakfast I read the message below that Hannah sent to me on Facebook. Lindsey has asked me to record it so that she can listen to it over and over again.(Which I will do just as soon as we find the recorders.. which we now have 2 of since she misplaced the first one. These two somehow walked away during the middle of the night. Lindsey has special places for everything but then she decides they need a new special place but she doesn't tell anyone, then she forgets. So.. welcome to our world of things getting misplaced!)

She wept this morning during the reading. She stopped me to ask questions. She was deeply touched by Hannah's note. Her comment at the end... "God is good. If he calls me home, it will be better than all the bad things that go on here in this world."

I'm sure if Hannah were home, she'd give her a big hug like the one demonstrated in this photo.


Hannah Morris March 24 at 4:09pm
I thought this would be something good for you to read to Lindz... I like it because it can all be backed up by scripture.
My Child,

You may not know me,
but I know everything about you.
Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up.
Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways.
Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered.
Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image.
Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being.
Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring.
Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived.
Jeremiah 1:4-5
I chose you when I planned creation.
Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake,
for all your days are written in my book.
Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth
and where you would live.
Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb.
Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born.
Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented
by those who don't know me.
John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry,
but am the complete expression of love.
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you.
1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child
and I am your Father.
1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could.
Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father.
Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand.
James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.
Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.
Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love.
Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless
as the sand on the seashore.
Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing.
I will never stop doing good to you.
Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession.
Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you
with all my heart and all my soul.
Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things.
Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart,
you will find me.
Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you
the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires.
Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you
than you could possibly imagine.
Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager.
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you
in all your troubles.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted,
I am close to you.
Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb,
I have carried you close to my heart.
Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away
every tear from your eyes.
Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain
you have suffered on this earth.
Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you
even as I love my son, Jesus.
John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed.
John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being.
Hebrews 1:3
He came to demonstrate that I am for you,
not against you.
Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression
of my love for you.
1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved
that I might gain your love.
Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus,
you receive me.
1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you
from my love again.
Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party
heaven has ever seen.
Luke 15:7
I have always been Father,
and will always be Father.
Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…
Will you be my child?
John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you.
Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad
Almighty God

Thank you HyVee, the Lee's Summit Community, and friends

Lindsey,Bob and I were very touched by the number of people who showed up tonight for the fundraiser. We saw people from church camps that Lindsey attended 10 years ago, from kindergarden school teachers, to the teacher who was present in 7th grade when Lindsey was first diagnosed. That was an emotional moment. Mrs. Green, thank you. Lindsey talks about you often.

I was touched by the number of HyVee customers who came to support Lindsey. Many of you personally sought me out to talk about Lindsey and to express what a delight she is to talk with. Bob and I saw people that we went to high school with, grew up with, etc. We had no idea what to expect. The community rallied and we are very thankful.

You see, most of us have one thing in common. We're parents. And as parents, it's difficult to imagine what it must be like to go through this journey. It's not fun... we wouldn't wish this on anyone. This fundraiser would not have happened without the love and support of Randy Summerville and other co-workers. A few of the HyVee employess are posted in these pictures. The food was wonderful so a special shout out goes to those who showed up early today to begin preparing the food. How does one go about showing their appreciation in an event such as this? At my company, we talk about customer loyalty, which is defined by a number of things, but most importantly, "would you refer the company to your best friend?"

Bob and I would refer HyVee to our best friends, our associates, to those strangers we meet on the street. HyVee takes care of their employees and their actions back up those words.

Thank you Randy and to everyone else who was involved in orchestrating this event. You made Lindsey's day.

Next time you shop for groceries, make your place, HyVee. They take care of their customers and their staff.

Give all to love: Obey thy Heart

While Lindsey is very much in love, she realized last weekend when Greg was in town that marriage may be to much right now.It's too much for her to think about. She's not feeling well and marriage brings on new commitments that she doesn't feel she can adequately fulfill. We're working with the doctors to adjust her meds... while the Gliomas can cause personality disorders, it's unclear to us if this is the tumor causing the behaviors or the combination of meds. Greg is a man of fine character and integrity. He is very good with Lindsey at all times.

Lindsey and I had a good day today. We had breakfast together, I gave her a nice long back-rub, she napped, had lunch, and we went for a little walk and had fun playing in the snow. The evening took a turn South. Tomorrow is a new day and the day of Lindsey's fund raiser. I hope she's feeling well enough to attend.

Lindsey is taking many photos. Photos of everything, even simple daily tasks as demonstrated by the photo on this post. She took this during one of her morning routines. I thought, how appropriate that she's looking upward to the one who is giving her strength and determination.

It's 11:42... she's finally tucked in for the night. We had a good day and it's looking like we may even have a good night. Thank you for your continued positive thoughts and prayers.

The crazy things you do...

The crazy things you do when someone you love is ill....We let our guard down and we said yes....she begged. We said no way. She begged more, and we caved. Aunt Nancy was really brave... her ink matches Lindsey's.

My one and only big sister..

- Note from Todd-

When Lindsey's first tumor struck our family, Hannah and I were far too young to realize what an impact it had on not only our family, but our friends and the community as well. We may all have our days where we can't stop crying, today being mine, I can't help but to think of where we would be without the love, prayers, and support of every single person that has kept our family in their hearts and minds. It amazes me how much support flows into our house every week, whether it be letters, food, money, or ice cream.

I know I've stayed pretty quiet through out this whole tragedy, and I tend to keep my emotions to myself, but I wanted to take this time to sincerely thank every person that has supported my family even in the slightest bit. Growing up with Lindsey as my older sister has been one of the greatest blessing God has given me. I have yet to meet a person with as much altruism, hospitality, and compassion. She's endured more than anyone should ever have to, yet she continues living with a smile and a positive attitude. Even now with her loss in motor function and speech , she strives to please others.

I hope that in my life time I can become a fraction of the person she is today, and always will be in my heart. She's my one and only Big Sis, and that's never going to change. You're never prepared for something like this to happen, and I think we all hope that our families will be untouched by such adversity. When life throws you lemons you have to do everything you can to make some lemonade, no matter how sweet or sour it may be.

Every day we have with Lindsey is a blessing, and I know that the prayers help every step to the path of recovery.

God, I know that you may have greater plans for my sister than she may ever have here, but I'm not going to give her up that easily. I'm from a family of fighters.

I love you Big Sis.

College Graduation

A note from Mom...

When Lindsey learned of her tumor, there where two things she wanted the most. 1 - to graduate college. She had worked so hard and was so close to finishing her degree in education. The second was to get married.

I learned today that Lindsey's friends at school approached UCM administration to inquire about the potential for Lindsey to receive a college diploma. Her friends were informed today that Lindsey does indeed have enough credit hours to graduate and if she is able, she can walk across the stage and receive her diploma in May. These same friends, along with her advisor, will be coming to the house for breakfast in the morning to share the great news. I hope Lindsey is having a good morning so that she can comprehend the message and share in the excitement. (THIS WILL BE RESCHEDULED..... Lindsey was up all night and didn't go to sleep until 5:30am)

If you've been reading Lindsey's blog, you know that our family seeks to find the good in things everyday. This was our good news of the day. In the midst of Lindsey's challenges, and ours, we see God's grace working through others. We see love expressed through Lindsey's college classmates. Classmates who took it upon themselves to approach administration and ask the question. While some may of thought about it, these students took action to ensure a classmate was recognized for thier efforts and results. Because of this effort, at least one of Lindsey's wishes will be met. I'd also bet that these students will be the kind of teacher that any parent would dream of for their child. A teacher who goes above and beyond and who is not afraid to ask the question that only others think of. Thank you Katie. I know that you spear-headed this effort. We are thankful. God bless you.

(The Photo above is of Lindsey and Katie at the HyVee Fundraiser)

Words Cannot Describe

-A Note from Hannah-

I have been home since Friday for Spring Break, and I all though I am extremely happy I was able to fly back to be home with my family for the week, it has been nothing short of challenging and heart-wrenching. I knew that Lindsey would be struggling more than I saw her last (which was only 5 days), but the amount of depreciation that had occurred in that mere week struck me as unbelievable. It is clear that this tumor is not on our side and the cells are dividing rapidly.

The hardest part of all of this is watching my own sister turn into a different person right in front of me, losing her mental and physical abilities, and knowing she realizes most of what is occurring to her. She becomes extremely angry because she can feel the differences in her abilities each day, as everyday tasks becomes harder and harder. She isn't the girl we all knew before; instead, this tumor has her acting out in ways we have never seen before, none of which she can help. She doesn't think rationally most of the time now, and arguing with her or trying to talk rational into her mind is worthless and tiring. As much as we want to help her understand certain things, such as why we can't do something she wants that very second, ect, she is usually not willing to listen.

All we can do is remind ourselves constantly that Lindsey can't help any of what she is experiencing. As much as we are frustrated by the effects of the medicine and tumor growth and as often as we are tempted to argue logic to an irrational person, we have to simply stop and know this isn't her fault. We must value the time we have with her, and try not to spend each day frustrated with her behaviors. Lindsey will always be my older sister, but the tumor has her acting less of a 24 year old each day and more like a young child. Small issues cause her to become hysterical. She hasn't slept a full night in weeks, which means neither have my parents. I am simply exhausted after 3 days; I can't imagine the stress on my parents right now. I thank God for our amazing family that has been so helpful and loving through this.

Thank you all so much for the prayers, cards, and visits. I wish this was all an awful dream, and I could wake up from it right now; however, this is reality and IT SUCKS.

HyVee - Lindsey Morris Benefit Pasta Dinner

Here's the text information about the Pasta Benefit Dinner at HyVee.. in case you're interested. I'm so blessed to work for company like HyVee and for Randy Summerville, Carol Kepkus and all the other great managers and staff.


Lindsey Morris
Benefit Pasta Dinner
March 24th, 4:00 – 7:00pm
$5.00 per dinner

“Hi, I’m Lindsey Morris and I’ve had the good fortune of working for Hy-Vee and with all the great people at Hy-Vee for the last seven years. I typically work the express check-out and if you’re an early morning Saturday shopper you’ve probably seen me. I love my customers. I love chatting with everyone. Heck, I love this place so much that my boyfriend even surprised me with a marriage proposal here at work, with my customers looking on.

I’ve missed this place. I’ve had to take a little time off because I am battling a chronic disease. You see this thing called a Glioma Brain Tumor has decided to make a home inside of my brain. This Glioma has moved in and is working its way into every room possible. (Kind of like I did when I moved back home from college, my mom could always tell where I had been.) While the doctors are telling me the prognosis is not great, I’m telling this tumor and the doctors to look out. I’m a fighter. I fought the fight back in 1998 with my first brain tumor, and I won. I don’t plan on going down without a good fight. With Jesus Christ as my one and only savior and my best friend, we will get through this.

I hope you can join us! I hope I can be there for the dinner also. My brain biopsy is March 3rd, and my treatments will begin shortly after that.

Faith, love, hope and an incredible support system are getting me through this. Thank you for your thoughts, prayers, and support.”

All Proceeds will go to the
Lindsey Morris Hy-Vee Fund
301 NE Rice Road, Lees Summit

Bridal Shower and other misc updates

My Grandmother Morris hosted a lingerie shower for me on Sunday. It was great fun and I received a nice variety of things. Some that Greg will LOVE, and some that I can relax in around the house. Check out a few of the pictures my Dr. Grandpa Morris took.

I got my stitches out today and my head hurt some. So far, the treatments are going pretty good. I haven't gotten sick, my stomach feels fine, but my head does feel heavy and fuzzy. We called the nurse and I am suppose to continue the steriods.

I'm looking forward to getting away for a couple of days with my Mom and Sister. We're heading to the lake Wednesday night for a couple of days. There is something peaceful about the water... and something very fun about shopping at the Outlet Mall. We'll come home Friday just in time for Greg to arrive for the weekend.

The Meds Begin

The Temador came in and Lindsey took the first round last night. So far, she's not feeling any side affects. Those will come as the days pass and the medicine continues. Lindsey's daily dose of meds consists of:

morning - anti-seizure medicine, and anti-depresent
evening - Colace, 1 pill (stool softener)
Senokot-S,1 pill (natural vegetable laxative, plus stool softener)
Valium - 1 pill
Anti-nausea - 1 pill
Temador - 4 pills (1 hour after she takes the pills listed above)

And.. if the first dose of anti-nausea doesn't work, there's another one she can take.

We're a little confused about the steriods... doe she continue to take them daily??? We'll call the nurse on Monday.

Tomorrow Lindsey has requested a family meeting, since both Todd and Hannah are home, to listen to the tape recording from her meeting with the oncologist. She wants them to be aware of what she is up against,what she will be going through, and her desires in the event that the tumor growth does not stop.

Bob and I have received many offers of assistance and for that we are very appreciative. We know that as time goes on, we will need to evaluate how we can allow people to help. It's hard as we are not use to accepting help. We take pride in being self sufficient. Our employers and co-workers have been very accomodating and understanding...we find ourselves wrestling with our own feelings. We have jobs we love, we are committed. We also need to there for our family during this time. For those of you who have reached out, please know that we will be in touch.

A note from Lindsey...

I have my first Bridal Shower to go to! Wow... what a strange mix of emotions I have going on right now. Not only is my speech getting worse, so is my vision. God, please get me to my wedding date. Please don't take that away from me also.

I have established a routine for me to start on Monday. I purchased a large calendar to put on my wall so that I can track my meds, my excercises, my doctor appts, and count down the days until the Hyvee Dinner and my wedding.

On Monday I go to get my stitches out. On Friday, Greg comes in for the weekend. I'm so excited to see my babers! I'm hoping we can go to Holy Smoke for some barbeque.

Thank you to my wonderful neighbor Chris. She brought me the first sign of spring, and something yummy for me to eat. Check out the picture!

My Bucket List

Dr. Grandpa Morris helped me create my Bucket List. Here it is:

1 - A Big Wedding, like huge, like 600 people

2 - A car for me & Greg to have weekend fun here

3 - To see a Chief's game

4 - To see a NASCAR race

5 - To see Dad drive in a race car with a professional race car driver

6 - To take a hot air balloon ride

7 - To spend one day each week hanging out with Dad

8 - To go with Megan to Mark's business one day a month

9 - To go shopping at Independence Center Mall

10 - Holy Smoke Barbeque, whenever

"So little time, so much to do"

my feelings

Dr. Grandpa Morris told me today I need to put my real feelings on the Blog. I spent a fun, but crying day with him. I was to upset to tell him that I do tell my mom what to write in the blog every night. Then she reads it back to me. I have been holding some things back from the updates. o kay a lot of things back. I don't want to make people sad for me.

I'm scared. Every day more words are gone. I have much I want to do. These words are mine. It hurts my head to type much. It takes a long time.

Right now i realized that I cant even read this back by myself unless I look at each word strigt on. k... my mom will type rest.

*************************************************************************************
Yep... every night and every morning Lindsey visits with me as I get ready for work or for bed. Many nights are sleepless for her ... if she has your phone number beware.. you may get a middle of the night call. While we focus on what we can do, in most conversations with Bob and I, she is tearful. She is aware of the changes occurring... and it's happening pretty quickly. She's trying to stay up beat but it's very difficult if not impossible at times. Tonight we were suppose to start the chemo but the local pharmacies do not have adequate doses of the Temodor. She needs 4 a day and we need enough to carry us until the next shipment comes in. In this area, they found 4 pills. She needs to take 4 a day. Tomorrow we will call the nurse to see what we should do.

Everyday that goes by is another day that we're not stunting growth. You have no idea how difficult it is to watch what this tumor is doing to our daughter. To see her struggle for words, to not be able to say the names of people we have grown up with (but can spell the name),to know that she is so scared of what she has no control over. We are scared too. This part of parenting we are not prepared for. Our beautiful, sweet, compassionate Lindsey. This is simply not fair.

In the midst of it all, Lindsey remains focused on getting things done. If she wants something, be prepared as she is determined to make it happen.

We are deeply touched by our friends(and friends of friends)generosity. Gestures that make it possible for Greg and Lindsey to spend as much time together as possible, while they can. Gestures that simply tell us that you are here for us, that you are sending positive and encouraging thoughts our way.... that you care. It does make a difference.

Thank you.

It's been suggested that I post a picture of Lindsey and Greg on the blog, which is a great idea!

Let the fight begin

Here we go.

As soon as the Temodar comes in at the pharmacist (along with the other prescriptions to offset the side affects of the chemo) this week, treatment will begin - 1 anti-nausea pill one hour before taking 4 Temadar pills, every night. My port for the advexin treatments will be scheduled for sometime next week. Mom will build a spreadsheet to track the prescription administration. We'll make bi-weekly visits to KU for the advexin treatments. Surprising bit of information today... the monthly cost of the Temodar, if a person didn't have insurance would be $6,000 - $10,000 a month. Thank goodness we have insurance.

I also got copies of the MRI scans. Now I can visually see why the KU tumor board did not recommend surgery. This tumor likes me. I can also better understand why radiation is not a viable option. There is to much to go after.

Let the fight begin. I'm going after this tumor. I'll give it all I've got and with the help of my oncologist we'll monitor the effectiveness of the treatment.

Regarding the HyVee Spaghetti Dinner fundraiser for me - It's scheduled for March 24 from 4pm to 7pm. I'll be there. I would love to see you if you have time to stop by. It's at the 291N and Langsford road store. I miss all my friends at work and my customers! Thank you Randy Summerville for being such as kind and gracious manager.

So today.. this quote means more than it ever did before - "Treasure this day, and treasure yourself. Truly neither will ever happen again."

Sleepless Night

Last night I did not sleep. This morning I called Dr. Grandpa Morris at 4:45am. I needed someone to talk to. I want him to come to my dr. appt with the chemo dr. He said he would come. I am going to beat this thing. I'm determined. I've decided that since I'm not working right now that I need to create more structure in my day. Exercise, read/write, help with things around the house. I need to rediscover my purpose.

I found this picture on Hannah's facebook that someone posted.This is a picture of Hannah from one of her dance performances.. one of her friends added the scripture to it. She is amazing. I love it. I love her. She was home this past weekend and was so good to me. She washed my hair, helped me around the house, shopped for dresses, etc.

God is good.

Proton Radiation - Is it a possibility?

Update from my Mom....

Proton is an external beam radiation that releases radiation only where the tumor is, thus not impacting healthy tissue. This treatment also does not have the long term side affects of regular radiation which can result in secondary tumors caused by the initial radiation. (this was not an option 11 years ago for us) We're learning that the current tumor Lindsey has may have been caused by the initial radiation. The question is, can Proton be used this time. If it's an option, we'll travel to Oklahoma for the treatments.

We are waiting for Dr. Massey, who administered Lindsey's first round of radiation, to send us a summary of the treatment fields, where radiation was applied, and how much was applied. We hope to have this by Monday as we're meeting with Dr. Taylor, the oncologist, at KU on Tuesday to determine next steps. (Seems the records from 11 years ago are stored in the caves and not in the computers.)

In the mean time, wedding plans are coming together nicely. A wedding dress, bridesmaid dresses, ties for men, and my dress has been purchased. The musicians, photograhers, videographer, sound technician, pastor, are lined up. We're meeting with the pianist Tuesday night. Rehearsal dinner reservations have also been made. Reception plans are in progress. (Mike - if you're reading this, the status report is Green.)

Lindsey is amazing. She is so thankful and appreciative of everyone. While she is being very realistic about what is in store for her, she has not lost that beautiful smile and gentle spirit. Bob and I are very thankful for the support we're receiving from both parents, and my brother and sister and their spouses... they have been a true blessing to us, as have many of our friends and neighbors (can you say warm Texas cake??? Thank you John and Chris! That was the best cake ever!)

Thanks again for all the prayers and positive thoughts!

Fairy Godmother

Yesterday my Fairy Godmother came to visit me in the hospital. She even brought me a blanket from the hands of angels. She will also be at my wedding so if you want to see her, you need to plan on coming.

Thank you Fairy Godmother and angel hands. I love my blanket. It also kept my mom warm as she attemptd to sleep in the very uncomfortable chair next to my bed in the hosptital.

Sisterly Love

It is all I can do to thank everyone so much for all of the prayers and thoughts for my sister, Lindsey. This whole experience has been pretty nerve-wracking for all of us and we are just trying our best to stay positive and not break down. I've watched my sister go through a lot of things, and I know she is strong enough to overcome this. She is one of the most motivated people I know, which I'm sure all of you would agree with. She handles her obstacles amazingly well, better than I could probably do myself after going through so much. We all love her very much and just can't wait for her Cinderella wedding coming up. It is one thing we have to look forward to, and trust me, it's going to be amazing! If anyone can pull this off, its my Mom for sure.

Lindsey went into surgery, which started at about 9:40 this morning. It should take about 2 hours to complete the Biopsy. The team of nurses and doctors were all great and very friendly. They have these really neat like personal blow dryers that you basically plug into your robe and it heats you up, my Mom thought it was quite hilarious. Lindsey's doctor "McDreamy" promised he would do his best about the hair situation, which made Lindsey feel good. She will be staying overnight, but will probably get to head home in the morning.

UPDATE: The biopsy went perfectly as planned, and she pulled through quite smoothly. The doctor gave her about a 1 inch incision, with 10 stitches that will come out in 10 days. The frozen biopsy indicated that there were a lot of hypersensitive cells present and that it is at least a grade 3 glioma (meaning it started in the brain), he can't tell yet if it will be higher. It usually takes about 5-10 days to get the full biopsy results.

We'll keep ya'll updated. (I had to say that since I live in Texas now) :) Thanks so much for the love!
Love,
Hannah Elizabeth

I Believe

Just as I was having a mini meltdown last night, a friend stopped by with oreo cookies,flowers, and this card that I posted above. Yes, I believe. I believe that God gives us just what we need when it's needed. Thank you Matt Vickery for being my friend.