my feelings

Dr. Grandpa Morris told me today I need to put my real feelings on the Blog. I spent a fun, but crying day with him. I was to upset to tell him that I do tell my mom what to write in the blog every night. Then she reads it back to me. I have been holding some things back from the updates. o kay a lot of things back. I don't want to make people sad for me.

I'm scared. Every day more words are gone. I have much I want to do. These words are mine. It hurts my head to type much. It takes a long time.

Right now i realized that I cant even read this back by myself unless I look at each word strigt on. k... my mom will type rest.

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Yep... every night and every morning Lindsey visits with me as I get ready for work or for bed. Many nights are sleepless for her ... if she has your phone number beware.. you may get a middle of the night call. While we focus on what we can do, in most conversations with Bob and I, she is tearful. She is aware of the changes occurring... and it's happening pretty quickly. She's trying to stay up beat but it's very difficult if not impossible at times. Tonight we were suppose to start the chemo but the local pharmacies do not have adequate doses of the Temodor. She needs 4 a day and we need enough to carry us until the next shipment comes in. In this area, they found 4 pills. She needs to take 4 a day. Tomorrow we will call the nurse to see what we should do.

Everyday that goes by is another day that we're not stunting growth. You have no idea how difficult it is to watch what this tumor is doing to our daughter. To see her struggle for words, to not be able to say the names of people we have grown up with (but can spell the name),to know that she is so scared of what she has no control over. We are scared too. This part of parenting we are not prepared for. Our beautiful, sweet, compassionate Lindsey. This is simply not fair.

In the midst of it all, Lindsey remains focused on getting things done. If she wants something, be prepared as she is determined to make it happen.

We are deeply touched by our friends(and friends of friends)generosity. Gestures that make it possible for Greg and Lindsey to spend as much time together as possible, while they can. Gestures that simply tell us that you are here for us, that you are sending positive and encouraging thoughts our way.... that you care. It does make a difference.

Thank you.

It's been suggested that I post a picture of Lindsey and Greg on the blog, which is a great idea!